Wearing a Wig during Cancer Treatment

This is me in my current wig.

Wearing a Wig While Getting Cancer Treatment

Barbara Henderson

Do you ever wonder why people with cancer don’t wear wigs?  I can give you a few pretty good reasons, AND a few tips on how to wear a wig anyway.  I also have a few tips on how to choose a wig.

First, people don’t wear a wig because:

They itch

They are uncomfortable

They don’t look natural

Second, these problems can be minimalized:

Wear a headband or wig cap under the wig.  I don’t wear a wig cap.  I do wear headbands.  I bought extra wide ones from a cancer web site.  These are very helpful.  They make the wig fit better.  They keep the itchy material off your head.  They allow for some air to go through the top of the wig to reach you scalp.

Rub something on your head before you put the wig on.  I use any sort of pain killing rub such as Asper-cream, peppermint oil, lidocaine, and even cortisone cream.  Rub the stuff on, then put on the headband, then put on the wig.

Now, since I have given you some hope on actually wearing a wig, I want to give some tips on actually buying a wig.

                   

Look for something that is very similar to the hair style you are currently wearing OR similar to a hairstyle that you have worn in the past and really liked. 

Second, consider the color.  I was a natural brunette before I got cancer.  It said ‘natural brunette’ right on the box.  Anyway, I had always wanted to try highlights in my hair, but I never had actually done it.  So, I choose a wig that was basically my own hair style.  Then I choose a color that was like my own color, but that was highlighted.  I ordered it.  Then it arrived and it was basically a blond wig.  I tried it on.  It looked fine.  I decided to keep it.  The style was the key factor.  I think I would have liked it in any color.  I am now quite comfortable as a blond.  I will probably stay blond when I have my own hair back.

Unfortunately wigs, or at least the wigs in my price range, don’t stay looking nice.  No matter how carefully I wash a wig it seems to get frizzy.  If someone out there knows how to repair wig frizz feel free to let me know. 

Personally, I have mentally divided my cancer treatment into 3 parts.  Due to the possibility of staying on a treatment for 12 months after chemo, I may have to divide it up into 4 parts.  Anyway, each section of treatment calls for a new wig.  I up to wig number two.  I would have stuck with wig number one, but the frizziness was just too bad to keep wearing it all the time.  By the way, that wig is long enough to put in a short ponytail or little bun at the nape of the neck  It looks fine either way.  Anyway, that wig works fine as a back up.  The problem is that the frizzier it gets the more it itches.  So, that wig has to be worn in a pony tail or bun, or it is tooscratchy to wear.

Then, as I approached surgery (or ‘phase two’ of treatment as I call it) I decided on a new wig.  This time I decided to get a wig that was short.  I had worn my hair short a few times and I knew the basic style that I wanted. Actually, as soon as I knew I was going to lose my hair I got the scissors and whacked off my hair in a short style. (I have never been bashful about cutting my own hair.)  I cut the top spike short, layered the sides slightly, and left a few twigs around the bottom. The style was similar to what I had worn when I was in my late teens and spent a lot of time waterskiing.  I chose a wig that was multicolored.  It is basically a dark undertone with several shades ranging from blond to really blond. Anyway, the wig looks fine.  Being shorter than the first wig there isn’t a lot of hair there to frizz.  When I wash it it does go back to its original look with little to no frizz. 

Yesterday I was at a hospital getting everything set up for the surgery next week.  I saw several doctors and various technicians.  I ‘gave’ enough blood that I expected to need a transfusion before I left.  The topic of conversation was my wig instead of my health.  Everyone wanted to know if it was really a wig.  I wanted to reply – DUH – of course it’s a wig.  No one has hair this perfect unless it is a wig.

The truth is that you can get a wig that looks wonderful.  The next truth is that you can wear a wig with only a little discomfort.  There isn’t any perfect solution of which I am aware.  However, having real hair grow straight out of you head isn’t perfect either.  

Let’s do a little re-cap here.

As soon as you know you are going to lose your hair – get your hair styled in a very short style.  If you don’t know how to do it yourself, pay up to big bucks to get a short style that looks good on you.  This might even include one of those computer programs that lets you try different styles before you actually get it cut.  Personally, when I am able to grow enough hair to have the short style I had before chemo started I will call this cancer phase of my life over.  I will feel like I am back to a normal, or at least at a new normal.  (And Yes! Hair is that important to me.)

Anyway, the short style is important. 

Second, buy a wig that is a familiar hair style to you, and a style that you have enjoyed wearing in the past.  As it turns out, color may not be that important, but if it is very important to you be sure to stick to a color you know you can be comfortable wearing.  My going blond was a total accident, but it worked out well anyway.  I would have never risked it on purpose to begin with though.  If you are fortunate enough to have a wig salon near you, by all means go and try on your wig before you buy.  I have ordered both of mine.  Just so you will know, the first one was $135, and the second was $200.  There are wigs that are a lot more expensive than that, but that was pretty much my limit. 

Hats – they all scream ‘chemo – chemo’.

The idea of wearing a hat instead of wig is a just that – an idea.  Most chemo hats are like neon signs screaming ‘cancer, cancer, cancer’.  Personally, I don’t find them much more comfortable than the wigs.  However, they do have their place even in my life.  If you like hats, than by all means wear hats.  Just personally they are not a style that makes me happy.  Well, honestly, nothing about cancer makes me happy, but wigs do help me have a better attitude.

My experience with hats goes like this.

First a beret style knit hat seems to look the nicest.  They have a band around the bottom.  I tilt it to one side with a bit pushed up in the front.  I hold the shape in place with a safety pin.  You could use a costume jewelry piece if you happen to have one.  To look right hats seem to need to go over your ears, OR have a fringe of hair sticking out.  Which brings us to hair pieces.

Hair piece number one:

Bangs.  I stick them on the headband I always wear.  Then I put a hat on over the bangs.  It does look very nice.  The problem is they itch more than a regular wig.  They are bearable though.  I prefer the wig, but this is a nice change and looks good.

Hair piece number two:

It is called a halo.  It is basically a fringe of hair that leaves a big bald spot on top or your head.  Wearing it without a hat looks sort of like a monk in an old Robin Hood Movie.  But, when you put the hat on it looks very nice.  The problem is that it itches.  I ordered mine slightly curly.  I wish I had gone with straight.  I think it would itch less.

Both of these hair pieces look good or even great.  The issue once again is comfort.  Since I do prefer the wig I usually just wear the wig.  If the hair pieces were more comfortable I would likely wear those.  Both look fine.

This may sound rather silly, but if women wore hats more, it would be easier to get a hat and wear it without feeling like you are the only one within 3 blocks wearing a hat.  That alone says ‘chemo’. 

I am wondering if, or hoping that, hats will be easier to wear comfortably when my own hair starts to grow back in.  I would suggest you have a few hats or caps.  I sleep in knit hats.  If I am feeling bad and spending most of the day laying down I also wear a comfortable hat.  It is possible to lounge around in your wig, but since the two wigs I have bought seem prone to frizz I don’t like to spend the day napping while wearing my wig. 

Ultimately getting through cancer treatment is about what helps and encourages you best.  For Christians the help that matters most comes from God.  It is God Almighty that sends you any other form of help that you may have.  Loved ones, family, friends, and even doctors, nurses, and all medical staff are gifts from God.  Be thankful.  There are many things that do stay the same during your treatment.  God doesn’t change. Heaven and eternity do not change. Love doesn’t change.  Praise the Lord.

Remember, cancer and hair loss is the perfect opportunity to get the eyebrows you always wanted.  When yours fall out just draw in the shape and width that you like.  I use a simple brow pencil.  I make it a little darker than I want it to be.  Then I put a little powder on my art work to sort of set the penciled in brows and help them to last until I wash them off.  If you are bored, practice drawing different eyebrow shapes.  There isn’t wrong way to do it. 

I would also suggest that you use makeup like you always use makeup.  If you don’t do makeup then don’t do makeup.  I really would draw in the eyebrows regardless because they frame your face and give a very natural look.  When in doubt go a little lighter and smaller with the brows, but do pencil them in.

Personally, chemo seems to almost burn my face.  It turns red for a couple of days.  It feels really hot to the touch.  Then it seems to peel a layer or two of skin.  So, my skin actually looks better than when I first got sick.  I have lost twenty pounds, so I am definitely back in my skinny jeans.  Hopefully I won’t lose any more weight. 

Hair loss has been extremely upsetting.  I am trying to keep it in proper perspective.  Even with stage four ovarian cancer my prognosis is good.  I have a very good chance of recovery.  It has been overwhelming to have so many people tell me they are praying for me.  It some ways it has been worth it to see all the good things people have done for me and my family.  It is a case of ‘counting my blessings’.  I have been blessed.  I am being blessed.  Except for the cancer part – my life is wonderful.  However, back to the hair loss.  THAT is bad.  So, I am making the best of it, or I am doing the best I can to make the best of it.  If you are dealing with cancer and hair loss, I am truly sorry.  Of course there are things more important than losing your hair, but that doesn’t make losing your hair any less dreadful.  I have read many blogs about people losing their hair and saying it didn’t really bother them.  Well, good for them. But it does bother me.  So, I am doing my best to deal with it as cheerfully and practically as possible.  One thing I should mention is that losing my hair was extremely painful.  I had no idea it would hurt.  I had no idea my scalp would be so sore I could barely touch it without whining ‘ouch’.  Honestly if it hadn’t fallen out I would have probably had to shave my head anyway.  During the process of losing my hair it became very clear that keeping my hair was not a good option either.  Anyway, my hair is gone.  My wig looks good.  My makeup looks the same.  My eyebrows look good.  I actually enjoy drawing them in.  From a realistic point of view they do look fine.  I am an artist.  You can trust me on this one.  Remember all you have to do is give a good impression of perfect brows.  Unless someone is looking at you under a microscope no one is going to notice they are fake.

And, no one is going to notice that your hair is a wig unless you tell them or they already know you are wearing a wig.  I have had to prove my hair was a wig to my oncologist and several people at the hospital yesterday. 

Energy wise it isn’t going to make a lot of difference whether you wear a wig and makeup or not.  It is probably going to make a difference in how you feel.  The thing is for me that is important is to just look normal for me.  I don’t look 20, but that is because I am 60.  I don’t want to see someone staring back at me from the mirror whose image screams ‘cancer, cancer, cancer’.   I don’t want my train of thought interrupted.  I am not in denial about having cancer.  I just don’t want it to consume every single thought.  Looking normal for my age and my personality helps me think on the good things.  I will probably help you as well.

 

Embracing the Snail in You - or Time to Slow Down!

This article wasn't specifically written for this blog, but it does seem to fit quite well.  Truthfully, as I am finding out personally, a great many things are not changed in the slightest by living with cancer.  It is true that some of the things we obsess about change with cancer.  For instance we wonder about the outcome of the cancer treatment.  We wonder about the chance of the cancer coming back.  We worry about extra bills.  But most things are the same.  We find something to spend our time doing or thinking about instead of appreciating our down time as a gift from God.  We still want to be busy.  We still want to get ahead financially and possibly socially.  Because of the forced down time in most cancers, it is a very good time to make some adjustments to living at a snail's pace.  It can change your life dramatically and for the best. 

Finding the Snail in You – or Living Life in the Moment

Barbara Henderson

Life sure does move along slowly sometimes doesn’t it?  In fact, it moves along slowly most of the time.  Then – Boom!  Life takes a quantum leap in change, and then goes back to moving at a snail’s pace.    These quantum changes often jump up in the way and surprise us.  I am sure you can think of an unexpected change that jumped up in your life; sort of slapped you in the face; left you to make all the adjustments necessary to the change, and then left you to get back into the routine of living life in the snail’s lane.  The bigger the storm of change, the more you begin to appreciate the snail’s pace of normal life.

The snail is one of the slower creatures that is common to be seen by human beings. You can go on a three mile hike and see a little snail crawling along at the start of the trail.  Two hours later you come back by and notice the little creature is still crawling along at the same speed and in the same direction.  He is just keeps plodding along.  For the individual it often seems like he or she is living like the snail.  People are coming and going at a much faster speed doing exciting things.  Living in the snail’s lane can seem like a very boring existence.  The truth is quite the opposite.  Living life at a snail’s pace, or in the snail’s lane, gives individuals the time to improve and actually enjoy life.  Routine is a blessing and a gift from God. 

Unfortunately, instead of enjoying the blessing many people fill their lives up with busy work. A constant stream of activities and engagements take up all the spare time, and there is never a moment spent just enjoying the time God has given them.  They have dreams of achieving certain goals.  If those goals are met, then they dream bigger dreams and set bigger goals.

But, not everyone falls into the trap of trying to get out of the snail’s pace trail.  They set out instead to enjoy the moment.  They set out to live their lives thanking God for the time He has given to them to enjoy the life He made for them.  A Bible example would be King David, although of course he wasn’t a king when he was young.  He was a simple shepherd boy.  He cared for the sheep in a lonely and dangerous place.  I think I would be correct to say that David was a cautious youth.  He didn’t defeat a lion and a bear by being unaware of his surroundings.  Living in the moment, enjoying the moment, even redeeming the time, doesn’t mean avoiding the reality of the moment.  When settling the sheep down for the night David probably placed the sheep in a boxed canyon or draw.  He checked for varmints.  He built a fire. In other words he made the sheep as safe as possible.  Then, he set in to enjoy the moment.  He wrote songs.  He probably played songs on a flute or small harp.  He enjoyed the solitude that God had given him.  Perhaps he might have preferred a little company at least part of the time, but that didn’t stop him from enjoying the time he spent alone.  He drew closer to God. 

Here we are today without a herd of sheep or the solitude of a wilderness. We know life is going along at a snail’s pace, but we don’t like it.  Instead of drawing closer to God like David did during his slow time, we fill up the empty time with silly things.  We are continually connected to tv, internet, social networks, or even social gatherings of people we barely even know. There is never enough time to get to know God better.  Well, actually there is a lot of time to get to know God; but instead, we fill up our spare time with nothing important.  Christians are as caught up in busy work as anyone else.  Now might be a good time to consider our own lives, and whether or not we are spending time that belongs to the Lord doing silly things.

First, are you being cautious like David was when caring for his sheep?  Before you begin to rest at the end of your day ask yourself if you have done everything that needs to be done within your power for that day?  Have you taken precautions to see that your family is as safe as is humanly possible?  Have you done everything within your budget to prepare for tomorrow and an uncertain future?  Is everyone as safe as can be managed at the moment? If you can say, ‘Yes.  I have done everything I can possibly do today,’ then you are free to spend your time relaxing and doing things that draw you closer to the Lord. 

Second, are you dwelling on things that are beyond your power to control?  Are you worried about your health, retirement, meal planning next week, laundry that can’t be done at the moment, car or home repairs that aren’t in your budget, wayward children or family members, or past mistakes? Are you so worried about the political and social conditions of today that you can’t relax and enjoy your slow time?  Forget it.  Watch a small child enjoy the moment.  When they are playing with a kitten or a puppy do you notice them worrying about feeding the little creature, or finding it a new home, or cleaning up after it, or anything at all?  You just see them enjoying the little animal.  We are supposed to spend a great deal of our slow time doing the same thing.  Just enjoy the moment. Thank the Lord for your blessings.  Draw closer to Him.  Don’t pile worries on top of worries on your down time.  Live in the moment.  I guess you could say, ‘Embrace the snail in you’.  It is a gift from God.

Third, are you simply avoiding spending your free time with God on purpose?  Are their things you would rather not consider or discuss with God or anybody for that matter? 

I wonder if sometimes the sudden and dramatic changes to our boring lives are gifts from God, or at least used by God, to get us to at least spend a little time talking to Him.  After all, there is nothing like a crisis to get God’s children talking to Him.  When we are slapped out of the blessing of living a life at a snail’s pace Christians invariably develop a sincere and determined prayer life.  It may be as short lived as the crisis, but at least for the moment God’s children are talking to Him. 

Seriously, don’t let God’s gift of spare time to spend with Him be wasted in busy work.  Do all the work that is truly necessary, and don’t shirk your responsibilities or your duty.  Then make use of that time God has given you.  At the very least don’t spend time worrying about stuff that isn’t within your realm of authority or control. Live in the moment for at least part of every day.  I’ll mention it one more time  -  ‘Embrace the snail in you – it is a gift from God.”

Thinking About Heaven...

Heaven – What is it Like?

Barbara Henderson

Heaven is the home of God.  God is utterly and continually perfect.  Christians naturally have a curiosity about heaven because that is where we will spend eternity.  But can we know what it is really like?  How about all these people who have ‘been to heaven’ and came back to tell us what it is like?  The first place we go to evaluate anything is the Bible.  It gives us the base by which everything else is evaluated.  So, what does the Bible say about heaven?  This is important because Christianity stands or falls on ‘scripture alone’.  The experiences of man, no matter how unusual or interesting, have no place in Christian theology.  This is what the scripture says about heaven.

^‘ But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.’  1 Corinthians 2:9

Mankind simply does not have the mental capacity to understand what heaven will be like.  We know it will be wonderful beyond comprehension.  We know John saw heaven, but he didn’t spend any time describing it.  I believe there are two reasons for this.  First, John’s goal and the goal of the Bible is to give individuals the information they need to actually get to heaven.  It isn’t to satisfy our curiosity.  Second, John could not describe it effectively because we can’t comprehend it.  I suppose a third item would be glory to God.  It isn’t about how John perceived it, as in the devil looked like this, and angels looked like that, and I saw family members, or anything like that.  It would be overwhelming awe in the presence of God.

We don’t need human descriptions of what heaven is like.  There is no way to interpret personal experience in light of scripture.  Many people, my self included, have had experiences that are without explanation.  I don’t know what to make of it.  I am sure I am not crazy.  But, how does that fit into Bible teachings?  It doesn’t.  To try to make something out of an experience without explanation is to step into the whirlpool of emotionalism and feelings over facts.  It moves us into the group of those who never have enough evidence.  They are always looking for ‘signs and wonders’ instead of just taking the Bible literally. 

However, Jesus did give us a big clue regarding heaven when He blessed the little children and said, ‘such is the kingdom of heaven’.  There are wonderful things about children that we can comprehend on some level.  What is about children that would be the same as heaven? 

Innocence.  Children are born sinners like all human beings, but they do have an innocence about them.  They haven’t been hurt or disappointed. 

Enthusiasm.  Children can be happy in the moment.  Whatever comes up gives them enjoyment.

Unconditional love.  Kids just love you.  They love everybody. 

Trusting.  Kids believe you.  I understand that kids gradually become adults and lose their innocence, their trust, their enthusiasm, and many wonderful attributes that seem to belong only to children.  But as little children they give us a very dim picture of heaven.  Just like the Bible says, now we see through a glass darkly, but then face to face.  We just don’t have the capacity to understand it all. 

Joy.  It is a joy to grownups to watch children, probably partly because children are joyful. 

Adaptability.  Kids adapt to new things. 

Basically, when you have the privilege of holding and rocking a baby, you have a taste of heaven in your arms.

And the list could go on.  If you are wondering about heaven, think about children.

We do have some descriptions of things in heaven.  The throne of God is pretty interesting.  Those little flying creatures are flitting around the throne.  They cover their faces which I suppose is because God is too wonderful for them to actually look at.  There will be streets of pure gold.  There will be a river.  There will be lots of jewels!  The walls of the city are made of jewels.  I love jewels!  I can’t imagine how fabulous it will be.  Oh, that’s right.  The Bible says I really can’t imagine what God has for those that love Him.

Now, let’s just suppose for a second that sometimes there are cases of someone getting a glimpse of heaven.  What should their response to this be?  Let’s look at people who did get a glimpse of heaven.  The dead guy Lazarus was dead four days.  I don’t know what he happened to see or experience during those four days.  The reason I don’t know is because he didn’t tell us!  He probably figured out there was no way to put his experience in a context that people could understand or relate to.  He also knew his personal experience was not as sure as the word of God.  He didn’t want people relying on his experience to prove anything.  He knew there was a more sure way to know about heaven.  That way is through the written word of God.  John saw heaven.  He doesn’t bother telling us about his experience either.  He preaches the gospel.  He tells people about the things will happen on the earth, and how they can escape the wrath to come through Jesus Christ.

What about all these books and even movies about people who died and went to heaven, and then came back?  I can promise you that you best take every single account with a grain of salt.  In other words be very skeptical.  And definitely do not let their experiences sway you in anyway.  You don’t need to hear about someone’s experience in order to believe in heaven.  The very title of the latest movie ‘Heaven is for Real’ is insulting to people of faith.  Of course heaven is for real.  Based on the word of God Himself, heaven is not only real, it is our eternal home.  No matter what sort of experience this child or any other person has had, it is not relevant to the message of the Bible.  Jesus saves.  Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved.

Messages about ‘my trip to heaven and back’ do not give any sound theology.  They do not proclaim that to enter the Kingdom of Heaven you must be born again.  They do not call people to repent of their sin.  They don’t do anything except stoke a ‘feel good’ religion.  Such stories promote the idea of heaven without any direction on how to get to heaven.  Of course heaven is real, but to get to heaven you have to believe in Jesus Christ.  Where is the most important message of all?  Where is the glory to God?  Where is the awe and wonder?  If the angels around the throne cover their faces, what is a human being doing gawking at what is going on?  These stories are simple distractions.  That is all they are.  Did these people experience something unusual?  Probably.  Does it have any relevance regarding taking the gospel message to the lost?  Absolutely not.  The Bible is sufficient, inerrant, and relevant to every single human being.  Don’t confuse the message with a lot of extras.  Cut to the chase.  Make the message clear and plane.  Christ receiveth sinful men.  All this ‘my trip to heaven’ is just confusion for the most important issue in the world. 

And I would like to point out a very important point here.  People wonder why God didn’t make it clearer.  Why didn’t/doesn’t He give us access to heaven?  Why didn’t He tell us what it was all about and what it would be like?  Why does it all have to be about faith?  Consider this.  He did give the angels direct access to heaven.  They knew God.  They knew all about heaven because that is where they lived.  And all that knowledge didn’t matter in the slightest to 1/3 of the angels.  They still rejected God and rebelled.  God gave the first people very long lives.  It didn’t matter.  Some of them still refused to turn from sin and turn to God.  And these people had eye witnesses to God to tell them what was true and what happened.  These stories of what happened to other people did not cause them to turn from sin and repent. 

During the thousand year kingdom, the devil will be chained away from mankind.  Mankind will still fall away from God and sin.  After the thousand years, the devil will be set free for a short time.  And what will he do with his freedom?  Will he repent and beg God for mercy?  Not hardly.  He comes out of the pit doing the same old thing.  He seeks to destroy. 

So, God has tried it every way.

The angels had direct access to heaven.  Some still sinned.

Adam and Eve had direct access to God.  They still sinned.

People lived many years and still rejected God.  A long lifespan didn’t make any difference.

The devil is beyond repentance.  This explains why God only gives people one chance. If they had a second chance, they wouldn’t take it.

What has not changed and never will change is that salvation is by grace through faith.  What heaven is like in detail is not relevant to how to actually get to heaven.  Taking personal experiences seriously is not helpful to maintaining sound theology.  Sound theology IS IMPERATIVE in keeping to the theme of salvation by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. This other ‘stuff’ serves as only distractions.  We don’t need people’s experience, no matter how interesting or sweet.  We have the word of God.